Breakin it Down: The Courtesy Wave

For years I have been a proponent of a simple, yet often neglected, driving ettiquette tool that can make navigating busy roads a pleasure for simple minded folks like myself. When driving, many forget that alittle courtesy can go a long ways. And the ultimate in driving courtesy...? Clearly, the courtesy wave.

The courtesy wave has become a bit of an obession of mine. It's something I strive for receiving and something that can upset me when I don't get the wave I think I deserve. Even MLBMommy is getting into this obession as today she mentioned that "I courtesy waved a school bus this morning and it was totally inappropriate and now I'm embarrassed." But don't fret MLBMommy, problems with courtesy waving can be solved, and bad habits can be fixed. The remedy? Practice.

The courtesy wave encompasses many types of waves, for many types of situations. But regardless of the situation, nothing says "Yeah Buddy" like a quick wave to the guy who you just cut off without so much as a blinker of notice. Let's face it, there are few ways to express courtesy when both you and the other driver are in a car, but with practice, dedication, and care, you too can perfect the trade of the courtesy wave.

Here are some MLBDaddy tips for the courtesy waving newbie...

1. When given the chance to do something nice on the roads, take full advantage.

2. When someone disrespects you while driving, turn the tables on them with a courtesy wave. That will make them really feel like crap.

3. Exercise caution. Examine how pissed off the driver of the vehicle is at a move you just pulled. Make sure that the wave will not send their rage over the top.

4. Be armed with a sufficient repertoire of waves. Different situations call for different waves. Examples: The one finger up, the two finger up, the full hand, the peace sign, the horizontal peace sign, the salute, and the ever tricky combination of the wave and head nod.

5. Make eye contact. If the other driver can see your rods and cones focused on them, most of the time they will feel obliged to give you the wave.

6. Don't be shy. Everyone can appreciate a wave, and it will make you feel good whether you are giving or receiving. There really is no "embarrassing" situation for a courtesy wave MLBMommy.

Hopefully some of these tips can help you in your day to day courtesy waving lives. Practice them and I promise you, they will not disappoint.

But now, let's get to the meat of this blog post. As I mentioned I am quite obsessed with the courtesy wave, especially receiving them from other drivers. This obsession has sparked an idea. I want to make, and keep, a list of all types of drivers of which I have received a courtesy wave from. A to-do checklist of sorts. I am going to keep readers of MLBDaddy in the loop on my progress by sharing the story of each and every wave I check off my list. If you have any ideas for additions I should make to this list, I love a challenge, and you can let me know in the comments section. Here is the start of my checklist...

A car
A truck
A van
A hummer
A city bus
A school bus
A coach bus
A police officer
A taxi
A semi driver
A propane truck
A UPS vehicle
A US Postal Worker
A hotel shuttle
A bicycler

I think that's it for now. Happy waving!

mmmmk Bye!

It's Been A Week...

and I have been holding this story in. It's the story of my "vas" (the apparently adored term used by people who perform the act) or vasectomy. Last Wednesday I checked into my local medical clinic to have the anti-kid procedure performed. What is written below is my first hand account of the experience. WARNING: Certain words, descriptions, and thoughts shared below may be offensive to people who are not open to talking about their bodies, or hearing someone else talk about it, so if you are one of those people, I suggest you stop here and check back another time.

Now let's get down to business.

So I roll into the old clinic at 8:00 am, nervy, apprehensive, scurd, the whole 9 yards. It's not everyday your man parts are handled by a stranger or two, so I think my feelings are justified. So I'm sitting there in the waiting room for 10 minutes, give or take, when my name is called. Waiting with a clipboard and a smile is a nurse probably around the same age as me. She greets me with a nod and a "how are you?". I'm not really one to respond with anything but the truth so I said, "I'll tell you after this is over with." I figured that comment would get me a smile, a laugh, or at least some sort of smartass remark back from the nurse, but she completely stone-walled me, leading me to immediately assess her as a not so jolly person.

This is where things start to progress. Ms. 'Not So Jolly' leads me into a plain room with nothing but a dentist looking chair, a counter with various medical supplies, a sink, and a radio. It's funny how at certain times in my life I realize every detail of my surroundings, while at other times I wouldn't have a sniff if JLo were chilling in the chair next to me. Anyways...

I'm instructed to drop trou, take off my scivey's and wrap myself up in a standard patient medical gown. For some reason the nurse decides its important for her to leave the room while I change and excuses herself while I'm left to wonder what the freakin difference is? You are going to see my whole self anyways lady, aren't ya? When she returns I have positioned myself as instructed on the dentist chair, palms sweaty, heart beating alittle faster than normal. It's funny how at certain times in my life all I can do is imagine the worst. Actually that's not really funny but kinda sad because I do it alot. Anyways...

I'm convinced things are going to go terribly wrong. Then this, "I'm going to need to clean you, you will feel a cold swab. Once you are cleaned and properly positioned, I will get the doctor and we can begin." Um, when you start swabbing me lady, that's what I will consider the beginning.

So she swabs, and I go back into the zone of noticing EVERYTHING. And yes, The Bridge 95.7 is tuned in on the radio, and yes, that is the Cranberries "Linger" playing as my boys are cleaned by a nurse who I am convinced hates men and gets great pleasure out of torturing them, hence she has a job like this. Awkward is the word I would use.

Swabbing complete. Let's position! She takes four or five towels and lines my surgical area with what can best be described as a protective perimeter providing perfect presentation. And I'm pretty pumped!

"I'll go get the doctor." Ok bitch, whatever, let's get this over with.

I sat in the room for no less and 10 minutes. The anticipation of something bad is usually much worse than the actual event, right? Well the anticipation was killer. November Rain (Guns N' Roses), Never Gonna Be Alone (Nickelback), and Strong Enough (Sheryl Crow) all played in the background as the destruction of my manhood ran in the foreground of my mind.

The doctor rolls in. He is a good guy, I had met him a few weeks earlier when I came into the office for a preliminary informational session. BUT... he has a lazy eye. Ummm, even if there is nothing wrong with the guys eyes, when I can't tell where he is looking, do I really trust him to be slicing me open between the legs? Yes, yes I do. The guy is a Twins fan, how could I not trust him.

So we spent the next half hour talking about Denard Span playing centerfield, Pat Neshek coming back from injury, Jim Thome being a home run hitter, and Joe Mauer being the type of guy that any quality urologist would dream of operating on. The time flew by like church. And ZIP, one last stich and we are done.

With a flash of his lazy eye, the doc informs me that Ms. Not So Jolly will be able to instruct me on taking care of things after I go home. He smiles, cheers 'Go Twins' in my general direction, and is off. Thanks doc!

The nurse tries to leave the room to let me get dressed in pointless privacy, but this time I speed up the process and throw on my clothes before she has a chance to exit. Take that. She gives me some at home instructions and a few supplies, suggests a few things, wishes me well and sends me on my way. What? No back pat or butt slap? I gave her a hug and left in high spirits.

So thats the story of my vas. How many of you guys out there that have had one also had your mom pick you up afterward? Oh, just me? Thought so.

mmmmmk Bye!

Here is what I did.

You don't have to tell me how nasty this is, of course I know that.

So the phone drops in, I'm panicked. My first reaction is to reach right in after it, but we are not talking about a urinal here people, we are talking about a toilet bowl, filled with nasty city water and my urine.

I stop my hand from crossing the point of no return and instead I shift my eyes around the bathroom. I ponder flushing the toilet, hoping that the phone will nestle in a spot where I can more easily scoop it out, but alas, the fear of the toilet pressure washing the phone down into the depths of the city sewer system is something I just can not bear. I see only one option, so I'm forced to try it. I grab the plunger in the corner of the room, and I plunge.

At first I have to fish around with the plunger to locate the phone as the water is dyed with a slightly dehydrated blend making visual navigation a challenge. Let me tell you people, I like a challenge, and a challenge is what I had. Once I was able to feel the phone and move it around in the bowl with the rubber end of the plunger I took my first stab at plunging. Failure. A second, third, fourth and fifth attempt. Same result. Co-workers attempted and also failed.

Moral of the story. Plungers do no work to get phones out of toilets and it costs $49.99 for a new LG Shine at your local AT&T store.


mmmmk Bye!

Lets Play: What would you do.

Imagine this: You are a guy. You standing at the toilet peeing. You are checking your cell phone while you pee. You drop your phone into the toilet. Tell me what you do next and then someday I'll tell you what I did.

Mmmmk bye.

LOST

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been watching Lost. Catching up on 5 seasons of sweetness. I don't like sci-fi crap like black smoke monsters, but the storyline in this show is so good that I have been able to overlook that sort of thing and still really enjoy. If you haven't already, watch the show. It's legit!

Mmmk bye!

Question

A solid question was recently posted in MLBDaddy's comment section by Paul, it reads as thus...

"If you have biceps that have been enlarged by performance enhancing drugs and can’t find sleeves large enough are you allowed to then wear a vest?"

The answer: Wearing a vest is never a good idea under any circumstances. You are allowed to do whatever you want, but that doesn't mean you should.

Mmmk, bye!

Too Bad

I don't normally wish for people's lives to fall apart, but this week I am having a hard time wiping the smile off my face.

Sweet vest Tiger.

MMMK bye!