WCT MATCHUP #4 - PAT vs DICK

MATCHUP #3 RESULTS: Match-up #3 easily went to Justin. Marney didn't have the support of the female vote and as a result got completely lambasted in the polls. She might have lost this battle, but the gift she recently received should at least slightly make up for her not being crowned the Whats Cooler Tourney champion. I would like to send my most sincere congratulations to Marney as she recently gave birth to a baby boy. Way to go Marn!!

Pat vs Dick

Pat Neshek is cool. The dude does his own thing, doesn't seem to really care what other people think of him, and throws sidearm. He has his own blog and had it well before it became 'the thing' for professional athletes to do. This man is a pioneer. If you read his blog long enough you will see red, your eyes will pulsate, and you might even become a vegan. Pat is a vegan and does not eat Sour Patch Kids.

Pat is the only Twin on my fantasy baseball team. He has three strikeouts and a 0.00 ERA in one inning pitched. My fantasy team it called The Skinny16's. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers throughout the season.

Pat has a very peculiar delivery to the plate. Supposedly he developed his signature style after an arm injury back in high school made it impossible for him to throw over the top. MLBDaddy thinks the dude is just a different sort of Cat and is a bit wacked out in everything he does. He's also one of the best short relievers in the game.

Dick Bremer is a Minnesotan through and through. He is also a bit of cheeseball. Who am I kidding here, he is more than a bit of a cheeseball. But that doesn't mean he isn't cool.

Dick is the play-by-play man on the Twins television broadcasts and has been working as a Twins broadcaster for 24 years. He gets to chill with Bert on a regular basis. For fans that just don't get it, they are one of the most highly entertaining broadcasting duos in all of baseball. For example, last night I learned that Dick once gave Bert a brick for his birthday.

Dick has never said one negative thing about the Twins organization in his life. Clearly, he is a realist, because lets face it, has there every been anything negative to say about the Twins? Only Dick could make Alex Cole sound like the greatest center fielder to ever play the game, and for that, you gotta love the guy.

So let's review. Pat Neshek is a non Sour Patch Kid eating blogger. His blog has a solid red background that may cause seizures. His fastball tails in to right handed hitters and his slider is filthy. GO SKINNY16's!! Dick Bremer is a homer and his first name is Dick. If he was your friend he would give you lavish birthday gifts. He honestly thinks that Sidney Ponson was an outstanding pitcher while he was with the Twins.

Happy voting!

An Ode to Opening Day

It's the most wonderful time of the year,
get out your hanky's, stand up and cheer.
It's baseball time ya'll,
there is something worth watching on TV until fall!!

I get giddy with just the thought,
even though my squad has potential to rot.
On paper they dont have alot of promise,
Do you like my first name? It's Thomas.

There is unproven talent all over the field,
and embarrassing play may require an eye shield.
What's really scary is Livan as our number one,
with the opening night start, oh what fun!

I predict he'll give up four in the first inning,
Torii Hunter and his squad will be winning.
After the game Torii Hunter will say,
'Gosh Am I glad that I did not stay.'

But thats not what matters, the season is here.
I'll be on the couch with some chips and a beer.
Oh wait, oh no, MLBMommy wants to diet.
And I foolishly agreed to try it.

That doesn't matter either, it's all about the game.
Nick Punto's swing is pathetic and lame.
The very best part about opening night,
Is that first place is still in sight.

It might not last long but we still have hope,
Who the heck is the current Pope?
I will finish up this ode with some season predictions,
And they might become an MLBDaddy tradition.

Gomez will be a complete goof,
the team's best pitcher will surely be Boof.
Everett will have a terrible year,
Redmond will pull a muscle in his rear.

Cuddyer and Morneau will have nice seasons,
Why Livan? Give me one good reason.
The bullpen will be the teams biggest plus,
and Delmon Young the teams biggest bust.

Mauer will be steady and will hopefully rake,
When I think about the rotation I start to shake.
Weak defense at third may lead to Lamb's demise,
Hopefully he can step up and surprise.

I put this team on about 75 wins,
A fourth place finish for my beloved Twins.
Hopefully I'm wrong and the team takes flight,
Lets find out, it all starts tonight!

WCT MATCHUP #3: MARNEY VS JUSTIN

MATCHUP #2 RESULTS: Thanks for all the votes and interest. Joe won Matchup #2 in a total blowout. I think Dan only got three votes. Shows how far being a World Series champ and beer endorser will get you in life. As in American Idol, if you don't have the looks, you have no chance. With that in mind, we segue into a match-up of two individuals who can stand up against anyone in terms of hotness...

Marney

Justin

Marney Gellner is quite a specimen. My leg brushed against the small of her back once. The day was August 18, 2007. MLBMommy and I spotted a woman on the stairs, in the upper deck, behind home plate, at the dome, who I thought right away, might be Marney . Naturally, I had to get a closer look to verify my suspicions. She was crouched down in the aisle talking to a man sitting in the first seat of a row about halfway up the section. My heart skipped a beat. As I passed her by on my way down the aisle, several people were making their way up the aisle, and I had no choice but to slide between the two. As I did so, my leg brushed against the back of THE ONE, THE ONLY, MARNEY GELLNER.

Marney is from North Dakota. She went to high school in Minot where she played basketball, volleyball and softball. I read somewhere that she likes to golf but I couldn't find any further proof. Marney also "has a Dixie Chicks CD in her car at all times." She sometimes covers the Twins as a sideline reporter although I believe that her duties have been limited over the last few years. I think she has a secret crush on Ron Coomer, but based on some things I have heard she might also have not-so-secret crushes on multiple players on the Twins, Wild, Vikings, and Timberwolves.

Justin Morneau hit two homers the day MLB was born. I think at this point that makes him MLB's favorite player. Justin has curly hair and used to play hockey. The dude is Canadian, eh? He once sported fake side burns during batting practice to poke fun at his Jimmy Johns eating buddy Joe Mauer. Justin and Joe used to live together and after reading an article in ESPN The Magazine that chronicled their lives, I was homo suspicious of them both. The article included this...

'He'd taken a room in Mauer's house in St. Paul at the outset of the season, and during the next homestand, the two of them drove there after games, flopped into the comfy chairs in Mauer's home theater and flipped between the Travel Channel and the Discovery Channel. "I really never left the house after that," Morneau says.'

My suspicions were recently nixed when I found out Justin was marrying this chick.

Justin won the MV freakin P award back in '06. Not sure he really deserved it, but at least the biggest Jag in the world didn't win, so that made it extra sweet. Hopefully the dude mashes some doubles and bizzombs this year.

So let's review. Marney Gellner is by far the hottest sideline reporter for the Twins. I'm not sure that qualifies her as hot, but roll with me here, ok? Justin Morneau dropped multiple bombs to make a great day in the life of MLBDaddy even better. I'll bet he doesn't have any Dixie Chicks CD's in his car.

Happy Voting!

WCT MATCHUP #2: JOE vs DAN

MATCHUP #1 RESULTS: In what was not even a close contest in WCT Matchup #1, Bert Blyleven defeated Boof Bonser in a landslide. I believe the voting was 13 for Bert, 1 for Boof, and a split vote which was simply discarded.

Before continuing I must give a gleeful MLBDaddy shout out to B Donkey for correctly answering the Boof look-a-like contest. B Donkey is single, currently lives with his parents in Hermantown, MN and would be one heck of a catch for any lovely ladies out there looking for love. You can vote for B to be casted on The Real World by clicking here.

Moving right along...

JOE

DAN

Joe Mauer has arguably the sweetest swing in baseball. He has a good eye at the plate, and according to various female sources is also good for their eyes.

Mauer was a three sport star in high school at Cretin-Derham Hall where he broke all sorts of records in baseball, basketball and football. He was the National High School Quarterback of the Year in 2000 and turned down a full football scholarship to Florida State to enter
the MLB Draft. Decently sweet decision.

Joe is the only American League catcher to ever win a batting title. He was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. He had a cool Pepsi ad with Johnny Damon last year. He dated this chick. They broke up.

I think if Mauer played for any other team than the Twins I would consider him a fairy boy. Example: He modeled for Perry Ellis.

Mauer likes Jimmy Johns, a lot.

Dan Gladden used to have a mullet and his nickname is "The Dazzle Man". He never had one of the sweetest swings in baseball, but he definately endorses one of the sweetest beers in baseball, Glick Beer.

Dan hit a grand slam in game one of the '87 World Series, which the Twins went on to win. Seven years later he won another baseball championship, this time in Japan. He cut off his mullet, but chicks still like to hug up on him.

The dude is a color man on the Twins radio broadcasts. In the fourth inning he takes over the play-by-play mic and the only things the listeners will know for the next hour is when the next Harley rally is, how the Glick Beer tastes, and who hit the latest Cambria homerun.

I would classify his radio skills as somewhere between terrible and really terrible. He used to have a mullet and stache though.

So let's review. Joe is like the dream athlete of the world and especially dreamy to the ladies. I hope he bats two hole for the Twins this year. Dan is a World Series hero and gets insane amounts of style points because he used to sport a dashingly brilliant mullet.

Happy Voting!

WCT MATCHUP #1: BERT VS BOOF

Sorry for the delay to the start of the What's Cooler Tournament. Let's get it underway now with the first matchup. Remember, you vote, I tally the votes, and the winner moves on to the next round. Feel free to find your own interesting facts if what I provide is not enough for you to make your difficult decision...

BERT

BOOF

Bert Blyleven was born in the Netherlands and his real name is Rik Aalbert Blyleven. He went with Bert because clearly the guy is not a Rik. He has a "Circle Machine."

He was a pretty good pitcher back in his playing days, just ask him and he will tell you. You can also tune in to Fox Sports North for a Twins broadcast where you'll find out that he can't go an entire ballgame without bringing up his own skills. He is considered to be one of the best pitchers eligilbe, yet not in, the Major Leauge Baseball hall of fame. He will tell you all about that too.

Bert doesn't seem to have any real knowledge about the game of baseball and at times can be quite annoying to listen to. Casual baseball fans love the guy. My favorite Twins blogger posted
this picture of him just last week. Cool shirt.

The guy is one of my World Series heros as he helped lead the Twins to a World Championship in '87. He dropped two F-bombs on the air back in 2006. My mommy wouldn't approve, but I thought it was pretty decent. He also likes to talk about his birthday and always knows, and talks about, how many days away his next birthday is. He likes beer and eats hot dogs on the air. I would have to classify him as a Yahoo.

Has anyone out there ever been circled by Bert?

Boof Bonser's first name is Boof... cool or not? I say not. Boof spelled backward is Foob, which I think is an appropriate nickname for a little kid who runs around with boogers and snot running out of his nose.

Boof reminds me of a complete zippy I played baseball with one summer not too long ago. If anyone out there can name that person, send a private email to MLBDaddy and you will get a shout out on my next post!

Boof will be the Twins number three or four starter in 2008 and the team is going to need alot out of the guy this year. Last year he had several starts where he looked dominate for 4-5 innings and then blew up and needed to be removed from the game. He has a deec curveball, but is pretty fat. Rumor has it he lost 30-40 pounds during the offseason. That would still place him below the yellow line, if he were on The Biggest Loser, so I am not all that impressed.

**Side Note: If you want to see fat guys cry, watch The Biggest Loser.
***Side Note 2: If you want to watch fat guys cry and get dressed up by a not straight guy from that lamo show MLBMommy really likes you should tune in to The Biggest Loser this week.

So lets review. Bert is a Rik who thinks highly of himself and circles people for a living. I imagine that he probably farts alot in the broadcast booth. Boof is a fat guy who gives up alot of runs and had an 8-12 record last year. I imagine he probably farts alot on the mound.

Happy voting!

Wednesday What's Cooler: Tourney Time

Baseball season is right around the corner. In honor of my favorite team and favorite time of year I thought it appropriate to put together a little What's Cooler Tournament (WCT) featuring some interesting and important characters for the the 2008 Minnesota Twins season.

Over the next few weeks I will be breaking down each matchup that fills out the WCT. The winners of each matchup will be determined by the readers of this blog. Here is how it will work...

I will provide some background information and some scintillating facts about each person. Once my post is live, you may vote on that posts matchup, and only that posts matchup. Once 9 or more votes have been tallied, the tournament will move on. The winner of the tournament will be crowned the 2008 Minnesota Twins Whats Cooler Tournament Champion and will receive a blog post in their honor. They will also receive a personally written letter from MLBDaddy notifiying them of their victory.

And now, the unveiling of the Brackets! (Seeding in no particular order)

The first matchup will be Bert Blyleven vs Boof Bonser and it will be coming up shortly.

Also, I apologize for the way the tourney bracket looks. My blog will be moving to a new location as soon as I have time to do so because apparently Blogger is pretty limited and its really petting my peeve.

Buh-Bye!

The Abyss Is Over

It has been 12 days since MLBDaddy last posted and multitudes of readers have inquired about the well being of this blog and its author. I'm happy to report that I am fine and that posts on this blog will now return to their regular schedule. Luckily, while I've been away soaking in the rays and 80+ degree weather on Florida's east coast I have also accumulated many unique and interesting topics to discuss within this space.

Let the discussion begin...

Southerners are generally not very nice. I was sworn at in a Wal-Mart for simply walking down the toothpaste aisle. I forgot all my toiletries at home. They were packed and ready to go, but I left them sitting on the bathroom counter. So I found a toothpaste aisle and I had to walk down it to pick out some toothpaste.

"You better back the @#$* up outta my space," a twenty something chick said as I passed her by.

I smiled and went about finding my Colgate.

After further examination of this situation one could conclude exactly what I stated above... that Southerners are generally not very nice. But after I left the store, something donned on me. Could I expect someone in the Duluth, MN Wal-Mart to raise their voice and use the exact same line on me? The answer is yes, yes I could. So clearly people who frequent Wal-Mart are not very nice, this had nothing to do with the South.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and so do people who shop there.

Florida's Turnpike is a scary place to drive. Not only are there wild hogs like this roaming the countryside, but I also saw at least 10 car accidents on a 200 mile stretch of road during the bus ride to my final destination. *Interesting side note: The Super Wal-Marts in Florida get a 40% price break on all bacon they buy that comes from road killed hogs.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and their bacon is sketchy.

This guy looked alot like the greeter at Wal-Mart. I nearly skat myself.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and it's not afraid to employ toothless men.

One of my biggest pet peeves in all of life is shopping. I hate most everything about it. Whenever I go shopping there is a purpose behind it. I don't just shop for something to do. I shop to make a specific purchase. My time at a shopping establishment is almost always planned out in advance so I can make as quick an entry and exit as possible. Wal-Mart only allows two or three cashiers to work during a given time. This leads to two problems in my shopping experience. 1). Long check-out lines. 2). Unnecessary small talk with other customers in long check out lines.

So there I am, standing in line to purchase my toothpaste and other items. To my left, the toothless man bellowing out greetings to all newcomers. To my right, aisle after aisle of empty checkout counters. To my rear, an Easter candy stand filled with Cadbury Eggs, the gooey kind. And to my front, a line of at least 20 customers. To my immediate front, a pregnant woman who appears to have last washed her hair during the Clinton administration. She was holding a two year old screamer while her four, five and six year olds played a game of tag in a 15 foot radius around our line. The conversation went a little something like this...

Five year old says to me: "My brother just farted, can you smell it?"

Me to five year old: "No, not yet."

Five year old to brother: "He can't smell it, try again."

Mother to farting son: "Carl, stop that or you ain't getting no fruit loops when we get home."

Mother to me: "His daddy is always teaching him this stuff."

Me to mother: "Your son has big shoes to fill some day."

There was other dialog too, but that was the highlight.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and watch out for lines with little farting brats.

That is about it for now. Please leave your own review of Wal-Mart or any sweet stories you may have that took place in Wal-Mart - whether in Florida or elsewhere.

Buh-Bye.
Oh I almost forgot, Mondays are supposed to be Odes.

An Ode to Wal-Mart

If you forget your supplies at home,
you know where you have to roam.
That door greeter may have no teeth,
But he can sell you road killed beef.

Just be sure that your aware,
the toothpaste aisle may cause a scare.
Even if you want just a few things,
Take off your expensive rings.

You might get mugged, battered and beaten,
but the pot will soon start to sweeten.
No shoes? No Shirt? You'll fit right in.
The place smells like a garbage bin.

Walk up and down and to and fro,
this is a place you surely shouldn't go.
There's plenty of little brats that like to fart,
Just another day at your friendly Wal-Mart.