The Abyss Is Over

It has been 12 days since MLBDaddy last posted and multitudes of readers have inquired about the well being of this blog and its author. I'm happy to report that I am fine and that posts on this blog will now return to their regular schedule. Luckily, while I've been away soaking in the rays and 80+ degree weather on Florida's east coast I have also accumulated many unique and interesting topics to discuss within this space.

Let the discussion begin...

Southerners are generally not very nice. I was sworn at in a Wal-Mart for simply walking down the toothpaste aisle. I forgot all my toiletries at home. They were packed and ready to go, but I left them sitting on the bathroom counter. So I found a toothpaste aisle and I had to walk down it to pick out some toothpaste.

"You better back the @#$* up outta my space," a twenty something chick said as I passed her by.

I smiled and went about finding my Colgate.

After further examination of this situation one could conclude exactly what I stated above... that Southerners are generally not very nice. But after I left the store, something donned on me. Could I expect someone in the Duluth, MN Wal-Mart to raise their voice and use the exact same line on me? The answer is yes, yes I could. So clearly people who frequent Wal-Mart are not very nice, this had nothing to do with the South.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and so do people who shop there.

Florida's Turnpike is a scary place to drive. Not only are there wild hogs like this roaming the countryside, but I also saw at least 10 car accidents on a 200 mile stretch of road during the bus ride to my final destination. *Interesting side note: The Super Wal-Marts in Florida get a 40% price break on all bacon they buy that comes from road killed hogs.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and their bacon is sketchy.

This guy looked alot like the greeter at Wal-Mart. I nearly skat myself.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and it's not afraid to employ toothless men.

One of my biggest pet peeves in all of life is shopping. I hate most everything about it. Whenever I go shopping there is a purpose behind it. I don't just shop for something to do. I shop to make a specific purchase. My time at a shopping establishment is almost always planned out in advance so I can make as quick an entry and exit as possible. Wal-Mart only allows two or three cashiers to work during a given time. This leads to two problems in my shopping experience. 1). Long check-out lines. 2). Unnecessary small talk with other customers in long check out lines.

So there I am, standing in line to purchase my toothpaste and other items. To my left, the toothless man bellowing out greetings to all newcomers. To my right, aisle after aisle of empty checkout counters. To my rear, an Easter candy stand filled with Cadbury Eggs, the gooey kind. And to my front, a line of at least 20 customers. To my immediate front, a pregnant woman who appears to have last washed her hair during the Clinton administration. She was holding a two year old screamer while her four, five and six year olds played a game of tag in a 15 foot radius around our line. The conversation went a little something like this...

Five year old says to me: "My brother just farted, can you smell it?"

Me to five year old: "No, not yet."

Five year old to brother: "He can't smell it, try again."

Mother to farting son: "Carl, stop that or you ain't getting no fruit loops when we get home."

Mother to me: "His daddy is always teaching him this stuff."

Me to mother: "Your son has big shoes to fill some day."

There was other dialog too, but that was the highlight.

In review, Wal-Mart sucks and watch out for lines with little farting brats.

That is about it for now. Please leave your own review of Wal-Mart or any sweet stories you may have that took place in Wal-Mart - whether in Florida or elsewhere.

Buh-Bye.
Oh I almost forgot, Mondays are supposed to be Odes.

An Ode to Wal-Mart

If you forget your supplies at home,
you know where you have to roam.
That door greeter may have no teeth,
But he can sell you road killed beef.

Just be sure that your aware,
the toothpaste aisle may cause a scare.
Even if you want just a few things,
Take off your expensive rings.

You might get mugged, battered and beaten,
but the pot will soon start to sweeten.
No shoes? No Shirt? You'll fit right in.
The place smells like a garbage bin.

Walk up and down and to and fro,
this is a place you surely shouldn't go.
There's plenty of little brats that like to fart,
Just another day at your friendly Wal-Mart.