Here is a list of 30 nouns (persons, places or things) that I think are either cool or lame. Your job is to copy the list into the comments section, then write next to it whether you think I think it is cool or lame. If you get 100% then you may or may not get a special prize. Here we go...
Las Vegas
toe rings
Tiger Woods
white dress pants
turtles
turtle necks
Mariano Rivera
Tesla (The Band)
the mall
the Metrodome
Peekapoo's (Dog)
strawberry malts
Mary J Blige type sunglasses
Snoopy Fishing Poles
Vitamin Water
Snood (The Computer Game)
Arctic Cat Snowmobiles
Shane Mack (Former MN Twin)
Starbucks
visors
Traveling to Europe in the Summer
Helen Hunt
changing diapers
Tom Petty
The Grammy Awards
Harry Potter
the ballet
Kevin Garnett
Dave Matthews Band
ESPN the Magazine
Good luck!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
An Ode to Summer
Its been awhile since I've done an ode, so here goes...
It is only a few months out of the year,
a time of warmth is very near.
It has been cold and my yard is muddy,
Some towns around here are floody floody.
You wouldn't guess it by recent weather,
It makes me feel like a bird without feathers.
But a turnaround is sure to come,
Summer is coming lets drink some rum.
Why does sun burn have to hurt,
Beejo buries flowers in special dirt.
She says it will help to make them grow,
I argue: How the heck do you really know?
Then with some rain and a little sun,
Up come the flowers and oh what fun.
She proves me wrong time after time,
My Lyrical flow is full of rhyme.
When the weather is nice we go outside,
MLB has a sweet new slide.
He likes to ride it up or down,
Carrot Top is a freakin clown.
Golf rules but my swing is bad,
the Twins 6 game losing streak is quite sad.
June 21st is the first day of the season,
Sir Walter Raleigh was convicted of treason.
Summer is a time for BAR-B-Q,
whats your favorite brand of shoe?
I like to make a good burger or steak,
Sheryl Crow sang about her Favorite mistake.
A time to swim or fish or camp,
Duluth is jacking the prices in the parking ramp.
And what's up with the price of oil?
I think we can blame all the world turmoil.
It's not like I'm going green,
But 4 bucks a gallon is pretty obscene.
At least there is some good news,
Torii dug up some old dead shrews.
I'm not here to get you depressed,
but things these days seem a mess.
So let's be happy and keep a smile,
It's gonna be summer for a very short while.
It is only a few months out of the year,
a time of warmth is very near.
It has been cold and my yard is muddy,
Some towns around here are floody floody.
You wouldn't guess it by recent weather,
It makes me feel like a bird without feathers.
But a turnaround is sure to come,
Summer is coming lets drink some rum.
Why does sun burn have to hurt,
Beejo buries flowers in special dirt.
She says it will help to make them grow,
I argue: How the heck do you really know?
Then with some rain and a little sun,
Up come the flowers and oh what fun.
She proves me wrong time after time,
My Lyrical flow is full of rhyme.
When the weather is nice we go outside,
MLB has a sweet new slide.
He likes to ride it up or down,
Carrot Top is a freakin clown.
Golf rules but my swing is bad,
the Twins 6 game losing streak is quite sad.
June 21st is the first day of the season,
Sir Walter Raleigh was convicted of treason.
Summer is a time for BAR-B-Q,
whats your favorite brand of shoe?
I like to make a good burger or steak,
Sheryl Crow sang about her Favorite mistake.
A time to swim or fish or camp,
Duluth is jacking the prices in the parking ramp.
And what's up with the price of oil?
I think we can blame all the world turmoil.
It's not like I'm going green,
But 4 bucks a gallon is pretty obscene.
At least there is some good news,
Torii dug up some old dead shrews.
I'm not here to get you depressed,
but things these days seem a mess.
So let's be happy and keep a smile,
It's gonna be summer for a very short while.
Monday, June 9, 2008
I Own A Lawn Tractor
HERE IT IS
AND HERE I AM TRYING TO CONTAIN MY
EXCITEMENT WHILE HOLDING ONTO A WHALE FIN
Let's discuss. Is it sweet or unsweet to have a lawn tractor? When I first thought of buying a lawn tractor I felt a bit old and much too fatherly. Then I used it and I would estimate it saved me at least 3 hours of push mowing, if not more.
Some could argue it makes you less of a man to use a tractor to mow. I mean seriously, I'm not that old, I should be able to push a mower around for a few hours. Am I less of a man because I don't push mow anymore, or am I more of a man because I now own a Craftsman 20 Horsepower, 6 speed, 46 inch cut, mows in reverse, sweet ass time saver? Did I mention the thing has headlights. I was cutting grass until 10pm my friends, 10 freakin pm. If I could do the Tim the Tool Man Taylor "Ahh ahhh ahhhh" grunt call I would.
Also, I feel like a complete tube steak riding the thing.
That is all.
Mmmmk bye!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I've Been Traveling the Trail
Sorry I've been gone so long, I was on a trip, traveling the trail...
I've always wanted to go on a family adventure into the wild blue yonder and be forced to live off the land for a few days or weeks. I think it would be a fun challenge where one could learn a lot about oneself and those they love. Because I know this adventure will never take place in real life, I instead decided to simulate what it might be like. Thus, I created my family on the classic Apple II game Oregon Trail and off we went on the adventure of a lifetime. The following are excerpts from my own personal journal which I kept during the journey. Enjoy!
Day 1 - It's time for a change. I've decided to pack the family in a covered wagon filled with only the most essential of supplies and move west. With me I have brought my wife MLBMommy, my son MLB, and our beloved pet MLBDoggie. Because the wagon seats five comfortably and the trip may require a multitude of skills which I do not possess, I have also invited along MLBMommy's father Wayne as he is indeed quite handy and will no doubt prove to be a valuable asset on our journey. Along with my loved ones we have purchased the following...
- 3 yoke of oxen (Props to Wayne for informing me a yoke is a team of two oxen)
I've always wanted to go on a family adventure into the wild blue yonder and be forced to live off the land for a few days or weeks. I think it would be a fun challenge where one could learn a lot about oneself and those they love. Because I know this adventure will never take place in real life, I instead decided to simulate what it might be like. Thus, I created my family on the classic Apple II game Oregon Trail and off we went on the adventure of a lifetime. The following are excerpts from my own personal journal which I kept during the journey. Enjoy!
Day 1 - It's time for a change. I've decided to pack the family in a covered wagon filled with only the most essential of supplies and move west. With me I have brought my wife MLBMommy, my son MLB, and our beloved pet MLBDoggie. Because the wagon seats five comfortably and the trip may require a multitude of skills which I do not possess, I have also invited along MLBMommy's father Wayne as he is indeed quite handy and will no doubt prove to be a valuable asset on our journey. Along with my loved ones we have purchased the following...
- 3 yoke of oxen (Props to Wayne for informing me a yoke is a team of two oxen)
- 2000 lbs of food (Squirmy likes to eat)
- 2 Wagon Wheels
- 2 Wagon Axels
- 2 Wagon Tongues (I don't know what these are, but the store owner advised me to buy)
- 10 boxes of ammunition
- 10 sets of clothing (9 of these are for MLBMommy as she can never figure out what to wear)
We take the trail with high hopes, dreams of a better life, and excitement about what lies ahead!
- 2 Wagon Wheels
- 2 Wagon Axels
- 2 Wagon Tongues (I don't know what these are, but the store owner advised me to buy)
- 10 boxes of ammunition
- 10 sets of clothing (9 of these are for MLBMommy as she can never figure out what to wear)
We take the trail with high hopes, dreams of a better life, and excitement about what lies ahead!
Day 4 - We have survived the first four days of our trip west. The weather has been cool as normal for this time of year (April) and the berries have been plentiful thus far. We did have one slight issue as MLBDoggie fractured her leg when she leaped out of the wagon to chase a raccoon. Our oxen are strong and healthy and we are averaging about 12 miles per day. Let's hope we can keep this pace up!
Day 7 - Our party has reached the Kansas River Crossing. The beauty of this land is unexplainable as we push onward. When we arrived at the river a friendly native informed us that the river depth was about average for this time of year. At our crossing point, the deepest spot was 4.5 ft. Although we had no idea what we were getting into, we decided to chaulk our wagon, pile in all our belongings, and float across. The idea proved to be a good one as we successfully made it to the other side with no problems. MLBMommy of course has brought along her camera and here is a picture she took of the crossing before we passed over the river.
Day 12 - By crocki - we have hit the jackpot. While MLBDoggie was hobbling around on her broken leg this afternoon she sniffed upon an abandoned wagon containing a set of clothing and 63 bullets. What a find!!
Day 33- Dawgunit. We have had pretty good success with the wagon thus far, but today while MLB had the ropes, one of the male oxen took to one of the females and veered out of his path bringing the entire wagon with him. A large boulder hit the side of the back right wheel and snapped er. We attempted to fix it, but no soup.
Day 36 - Today we arrived at Chimney Rock. Its a big rock shaped like a Chimney. It kinda reminded me of the time I went to the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota. Its just a big Palace made of corn.
Day 38 - While relieving myself in the bushes today I found some wild fruit. Tasty stuff!
Day 41 - We've made it a third of the way to the end of the trail and today pulled up to the gates of Fort Laramie. Astoundingly we have had great health and successful travels to this point. We decided to buy some more food and we extremely pleased to find the fort just opened up a Chipotle. We have to enjoy luxuries we don't have in Duluth, so we purchased two hundred pounds of burritos... mmm mmm good eatin!
Day 48 - I shot me a buffalo. That's right, a Tatonka as they say in Dances with Wolves. Got him!! I didn't have much skills with the butcher knife so we only got around 100lbs of meat off him. It's the first animal I've ever shot in my life. Here is a picture of me standing over the fallen beast...
Day 61 - We've reached the end of May and its getting hot hot hot out. At Independence Rock Wayne busted out the map and much to our chagrin we are still not to the halfway point. Also, we have had 6 meals of buffalo burgers and MLB has really taken a liking to them. He gets the same grin on his face when he eats them as he does when you give him a grilled cheese.
Day 70 - The weather has cooled down again and Wayne's GPS tells us that we have traveled 932 miles. Spirits are still high. We have come to a split in the trail and have a choice to make: 1. Head for the Green River Crossing or 2. Head for Fort Bridger. There is a split amongst the members of our party which way to head. We are about to have a rock, paper, scissors battle to determine which direction to take. Ill be right back.
I'm back, MLBMommy tapped the rock over and over and cruised to the win and has decided that she wants to head to Fort Bridger. Hopefully this proves to be a wise decision.
Day 81- We have made it to Fort Bridger. Conditions are dry and the water has been hard to come by. I ran into a woman at the water well and she told me a freaky deaky tale of a young boy becoming a man while traveling the trail. The story went a little something like this...
ME: Hey there whassup?
HER: One child drowned in a swollen creek east of Fort Laramie. My husband died of typhoid near Independence Rock. Now I travel alone with my five children.
ME: OHH, thats tragic. How old are your kids? And is that a puffy vest you are wearing?
HER: The eldest, Caleb, is eleven. I fear he'll be a man before we reach Oregon. And yes, I never leave home without my puffy vest.
ME: I'm not sure whats worse, the fact that your children must suffer through the loss of their father, or that they have to suffer through looking at you wear that vest.
Day 95 - Life on the trail is taking its toll. Wayne has the measles, one of the oxen is injured, and MLBMommy has missed the entire season of Project Runway. Thank heavens for TIVO.
Here is a nice family we met while we spent the day lounging in the Soda Springs. They had an ox named TiddlyWink. He was lazy yet effective.
Day 120 - It's been awhile since I've journaled but I had to mention we had our first fatality of the trip. An oxen we named "Ricco" succumbed to the heat today and passed away. We buried him next to the trail and he was remembered with a masterfully delivered eulogy given by MLBDaddy.
Day 127- The wheels are coming off. We have hit a streak of bad luck. Yesterday a fire broke out in our wagon. Initial suspicions were that MLB was playing with the cigarette lighter, which our wagon camp equipped with, and didn't realize the end of it was hot and accidentally started the blaze. We lost 752 lbs of food , 162 bullets, 4 sets of clothing, and in the panic MLBMommy fell out of the wagon and broke her arm. Can you say train wreck?
Day 130 - More bad luck. A thief came and stole 62 bullets from my ammo box last night. Where was MLBDoggie on that one?
Day 140 - Fort Boise was a welcomed site. We had to change our food rations to meager because of all the portions we lost in the fire a few weeks back.
** NOTE: When I used to play Oregon Trail as a kid I always thought the following picture had a boob in it. Now as I travel the trail as a grown adult, I have seen nothing to that changes my opinion...
Day 153 - I fear the worst. Ever since MLBMommy's horrible fall during our wagon fire she has been suffering. Her arm is severely broken, she has had a fever for 5 straight days, and she looks as pale as Michael Jackson. Yikes!
Day 158 - My wife is delirious. She went into the woods for a potty break and we didn't see her again for 5 days. When we found her she was pulling a Michael Scott from that episode of The Office where he played "SurvivorMan" and fashioned a hat out his pant legs. Funny, yet scary at the same time.
Day 165 - At long last we have made it to the Dalles. Clearly we are going down the river cause its the funnest thing to do. Wish us luck. I've been nominated to steer the wagon. Hopefully I won't smash into any rocks.
Day 7 - Our party has reached the Kansas River Crossing. The beauty of this land is unexplainable as we push onward. When we arrived at the river a friendly native informed us that the river depth was about average for this time of year. At our crossing point, the deepest spot was 4.5 ft. Although we had no idea what we were getting into, we decided to chaulk our wagon, pile in all our belongings, and float across. The idea proved to be a good one as we successfully made it to the other side with no problems. MLBMommy of course has brought along her camera and here is a picture she took of the crossing before we passed over the river.
Day 12 - By crocki - we have hit the jackpot. While MLBDoggie was hobbling around on her broken leg this afternoon she sniffed upon an abandoned wagon containing a set of clothing and 63 bullets. What a find!!
Day 13 - When we reached the Blue River crossing today we were pleasantly surprised to find that the water level was quite low. At 2.8 ft deep we were easily able to ford the river. Unfortunately some of our supplies did get a little wet as MLB had a bit of a tantrum on the way across and tossed a couple items overboard. We decided to hang out for a day and let our stuff dry out.
Day 22 - The weather has turned very wet with heavy rains falling daily. MLBMommy has come down with the measles and says she "feels like a sack of potatoes". We made it to Fort Kearney where we were given props for the slick rain catch Wayne rigged up on the side of our wagon. Check out the picture I got of MLBMommy in her decently sweet purple dress with little MLB tugging at her side while she talks to a soldier at the fort.
Day 22 - The weather has turned very wet with heavy rains falling daily. MLBMommy has come down with the measles and says she "feels like a sack of potatoes". We made it to Fort Kearney where we were given props for the slick rain catch Wayne rigged up on the side of our wagon. Check out the picture I got of MLBMommy in her decently sweet purple dress with little MLB tugging at her side while she talks to a soldier at the fort.
Day 33- Dawgunit. We have had pretty good success with the wagon thus far, but today while MLB had the ropes, one of the male oxen took to one of the females and veered out of his path bringing the entire wagon with him. A large boulder hit the side of the back right wheel and snapped er. We attempted to fix it, but no soup.
Day 36 - Today we arrived at Chimney Rock. Its a big rock shaped like a Chimney. It kinda reminded me of the time I went to the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota. Its just a big Palace made of corn.
Day 38 - While relieving myself in the bushes today I found some wild fruit. Tasty stuff!
Day 41 - We've made it a third of the way to the end of the trail and today pulled up to the gates of Fort Laramie. Astoundingly we have had great health and successful travels to this point. We decided to buy some more food and we extremely pleased to find the fort just opened up a Chipotle. We have to enjoy luxuries we don't have in Duluth, so we purchased two hundred pounds of burritos... mmm mmm good eatin!
Day 48 - I shot me a buffalo. That's right, a Tatonka as they say in Dances with Wolves. Got him!! I didn't have much skills with the butcher knife so we only got around 100lbs of meat off him. It's the first animal I've ever shot in my life. Here is a picture of me standing over the fallen beast...
Day 61 - We've reached the end of May and its getting hot hot hot out. At Independence Rock Wayne busted out the map and much to our chagrin we are still not to the halfway point. Also, we have had 6 meals of buffalo burgers and MLB has really taken a liking to them. He gets the same grin on his face when he eats them as he does when you give him a grilled cheese.
Day 70 - The weather has cooled down again and Wayne's GPS tells us that we have traveled 932 miles. Spirits are still high. We have come to a split in the trail and have a choice to make: 1. Head for the Green River Crossing or 2. Head for Fort Bridger. There is a split amongst the members of our party which way to head. We are about to have a rock, paper, scissors battle to determine which direction to take. Ill be right back.
I'm back, MLBMommy tapped the rock over and over and cruised to the win and has decided that she wants to head to Fort Bridger. Hopefully this proves to be a wise decision.
Day 81- We have made it to Fort Bridger. Conditions are dry and the water has been hard to come by. I ran into a woman at the water well and she told me a freaky deaky tale of a young boy becoming a man while traveling the trail. The story went a little something like this...
ME: Hey there whassup?
HER: One child drowned in a swollen creek east of Fort Laramie. My husband died of typhoid near Independence Rock. Now I travel alone with my five children.
ME: OHH, thats tragic. How old are your kids? And is that a puffy vest you are wearing?
HER: The eldest, Caleb, is eleven. I fear he'll be a man before we reach Oregon. And yes, I never leave home without my puffy vest.
ME: I'm not sure whats worse, the fact that your children must suffer through the loss of their father, or that they have to suffer through looking at you wear that vest.
Day 95 - Life on the trail is taking its toll. Wayne has the measles, one of the oxen is injured, and MLBMommy has missed the entire season of Project Runway. Thank heavens for TIVO.
Here is a nice family we met while we spent the day lounging in the Soda Springs. They had an ox named TiddlyWink. He was lazy yet effective.
Day 127- The wheels are coming off. We have hit a streak of bad luck. Yesterday a fire broke out in our wagon. Initial suspicions were that MLB was playing with the cigarette lighter, which our wagon camp equipped with, and didn't realize the end of it was hot and accidentally started the blaze. We lost 752 lbs of food , 162 bullets, 4 sets of clothing, and in the panic MLBMommy fell out of the wagon and broke her arm. Can you say train wreck?
Day 130 - More bad luck. A thief came and stole 62 bullets from my ammo box last night. Where was MLBDoggie on that one?
Day 140 - Fort Boise was a welcomed site. We had to change our food rations to meager because of all the portions we lost in the fire a few weeks back.
** NOTE: When I used to play Oregon Trail as a kid I always thought the following picture had a boob in it. Now as I travel the trail as a grown adult, I have seen nothing to that changes my opinion...
Day 158 - My wife is delirious. She went into the woods for a potty break and we didn't see her again for 5 days. When we found her she was pulling a Michael Scott from that episode of The Office where he played "SurvivorMan" and fashioned a hat out his pant legs. Funny, yet scary at the same time.
Day 165 - At long last we have made it to the Dalles. Clearly we are going down the river cause its the funnest thing to do. Wish us luck. I've been nominated to steer the wagon. Hopefully I won't smash into any rocks.
AND WE MADE IT!!!!
No one died, we only lost one ox, and I now know how to caulk a wagon. How sweet can life be? There were many highs and several lows along this arduous journey but my family has proven, as I thought they would, that we are up for any challenge. Oregon is even lovelier than we could have ever dreamed. I haven't felt this good about life since I got the all time Lakewood chool 4th grade high score playing Number Munchers.
Mmmk bye!
Mmmk bye!
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