Wife
MLBDaddy Tortures His Wife By: Standing next to her while she is on the computer and incessantly cracking his ankles.
Squirmy
MLBDaddy Tortures Squirmy By: Holding his bottle just out of his reach then flying it towards his little mouth while making an airplane sound only to have the bottle plane fly right by and continue its circling pattern.
Bizzle Baby
MLBDaddy Tortures Bizzle Baby By: Playing with Squirmy and ignoring her. (Bizzle Baby is the jealous type.)
Dad
MLBDaddy Tortures His Father By: Locking him in an empty room with nothing but a TV running a continuous loop of the New York Yankees greatest World Series moments.
Mom
MLBDaddy Tortures His Mother By: Calling her K Doggs.
Sister
MLBDaddy Tortures His Sister By: Playing "I Come From a Land Down Under" every time she exits the bathroom.
Bro-In-Law
MLBDaddy Tortures His Brother-In-Law By: Making him travel with Christina, a 45 year old mother of two, who is taking her first airplane trip. "Oh my god, I have to go through security?" "Uh, where is Gate F." "I can't find my seat and I don't know where to put my carry on luggage."
Nephew
MLBDaddy Tortures His Nephew By: Buying him the EXACT SAME PRESENTS as Squirmy his entire life.
Sis-In-Law
MLBDaddy Tortures His Sister-in-law By: Making her sit in a car on a sunny day, with the sun on her side, on a hundred mile drive through a forest of perfectly spaced planted trees which cause the sun to flicker on and off her face over and over again. (For some reason this bothers her).
Mom-In-Law
MLBDaddy Tortures His Mother-in-law By: Paying tourists to stop in at her gift store to ask really stupid questions like "Do you live up here year round?" or "Have you seen any moose around here today?"
Dad-In-Law
MLBDaddy Tortures His Father-in-law By: Buying a brand of snowmobile that is not Ski-doo.
MLBDaddy Tortures His Friends By: Blogging.
Now, how would you all torture me?
6 comments:
Duh. I will torture you by wearing a puffer vest, stringing icicle lights on my house, and telling embarrassing stories about you.
By presenting you with a $200 gift certificate to Vests-are-Us.
where do you come up with this stuff? :)
maybe for squirmy's birthday, i'll buy him the puffiest vest i can find and insist that your wife take many pictures of him in it - because after all, it's a gift, he HAS to wear it. right?
I would torture you by beating you in bowling while we are playing WII (I think this has been done!!). I would then continue to beat you in tennis, golf and horror of horrors - BASEBALL. THEN I would tell everyone the old lady beat you!!
hmm... whatever will i come up with...
* by hiding yogurt in every dish i make.
* by chewing my gum like derek jeter while talking about how sexy he is.
* by paying off your eye doctor to say you need eye drops every night.
* by cheering loudly for tiger woods.
* and peyton manning.
* by buying you a david eckstein jersey for your birthday.
* and buying myself another pair of flip-flops.
* oh what the heck, let's just say, in general, spending money on anything we don't absolutely NEED.
* by beating you in anything.
* by teaching squirms how to throw.
* by permanantly attaching our sheets/blankets to the bottom of the bed.
* by asking, 'what's, like, a balk? is that, like, the sound a chicken makes?'
* this is way too much fun.
I love the vest theme that is going on here... I would were a vest to our match against ricco and jim and before getting called to the number 1 tee, I would get absolutely hammered to the point that I shoot a 70, shooting just bad enough on every hole that even though you shoot 9 under, we only get 7 points for the week. Then I would talk squims into playing hockey for East.
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